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An amicable divorce is possible

With professional support you can achieve a fair resolution and even avoid going to court.

Divorce and separationThere is so much to consider in the process of divorce or separation.

How do you begin to come to terms with who is to have the children and when, how to divide all that you have jointly gathered over the years to create your family home.

Who is to stay in the family home or will it have to be sold? What about the family business? How much maintenance needs to be paid for the children? What is a fair amount to pay, if anything, to your former partner? What about the family dog? How do we sort out holidays? What do you do with the wedding album?

The questions go on and on, the obvious and the not so.

In the mental scrabble to seek a solution to these challenges the process of how they can be resolved can be overlooked.

You may have heard,”Its not the destination it’s how you get there”. It is how you go through the process which will affect you and your family for the rest of your lives.

Do you want to fight or is there a better way?

If you are in business would you litigate or would you strive to avoid costs, stress and acrimony to achieve the best commercial outcome for the survival and growth of your business. A business may fail, a marriage may not work but a family however dissected will continue.

There are many ways to handle conflict, avoiding, accommodating, compromising, competing or collaborating. You may have tried one or all of these in your relationship attempting to make things better. Having tried them all and failed you may feel court is the only solution.

If you feel court is the only way have you considered fully whether you want a third party to decide where your children are to live? Should a stranger decide how your carefully built up finances be divided. Court proceedings continue for months and sometimes years before a final hearing is eventually listed and heard by a judge who may have had little or no involvement with the case until the last minute.

The court process is necessary in some cases, it may be the only way and you may have no choice but if you had a choice what would you do? It would be better if court was avoided and you used your skills to reach an amicable agreement.

The Collaborative process is an alternative. Working together with your partner you will resolve all the questions and challenges for mutual gains sitting in a room together in a series of four way meetings with your solicitors resolving challenges directly. It can be done.

Having set you sights on your preferred outcome you can work together to achieve it. Outcomes may include to ensuring that each time you drop the kids off you can enjoy a peaceful experience, you can attend graduations, share the joy of the arrival of your first grandchild, be able to meet at family reunions without skulking in corners avoiding your “ex”. Other less obvious gains may be achieving peace of mind.

There are many other advantages including you retaining control over the process, the venue, frequency and scheduling of the meetings.

In addition to your Collaborative lawyer you may bring financial advisers or other experts and emotionally difficult issues concerning children can be eased by using Family consultants who are skilled experts in assisting families in conflict.

Why should it be any different? The marriage maybe over but is there any need for hate or animosity whatever may or may not have happened in the marriage?

If you would like to discuss the benefits of non court dispute resolution do not hesitate to contact James Belderbos at Bird Belderbos & Mee or visit for more information.

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